1. Who handles the sleepless nights?

Some babies learn to sleep through the night relatively quickly, but chances are you’ll experience stretches of sleeplessness. It’s easy to lose your cool when you’re waking up for the fifth time in the middle of the night. Having a plan can make the nights more manageable.

Worth talking about:

• How will you split nighttime responsibilities?
• How much sleep do you and your partner need to function?
• Can you take shifts during the night or will one person handle the whole night?
• Can the parent on night duty nap during the day or sleep in on weekends?

2. How often will we see our families?

The relationship with extended family can vary greatly between partners. Balancing family time with the demands of early parenthood can take some effort.
– It’s important to be able to say no and prioritize your own needs. You don’t have to spend time with family constantly, says Clara Zelleroth, a licensed psychologist at Wennerdal & Zelleroth Psychology in Gothenburg.

Worth talking about:

• How important is it for you and your partner to spend time with family?
• How often would you like to see each other’s families?
• Is it important for your child to have a close relationship with their extended family?
• How will you handle holidays, like Christmas?

3. Who will do what?

The daily to-do list gets much longer when a baby arrives, and having a plan for dividing responsibilities can make life easier. For example, scheduling the baby’s first check-up at the clinic will be one of the first tasks on your list after leaving the hospital.

Worth talking about:

• Who will take care of baby insurance, doctor’s appointments, and other paperwork? These are key tasks in the early days.
• What needs to be done at home and in daily life?
• How will you divide these tasks fairly?
• Are there things you can cut back on to make life easier right now?
• What is expected of the parent on parental leave?

4. How will we manage personal time and couple time when the baby comes?

Family life works best when there’s a balance between time with the baby, personal time, and couple time. While perfect balance might be hard to achieve, discussing expectations can make a big difference.

Worth talking about:

• What do you imagine the first year with your baby to look like?
• What do you need to feel good as a parent?
• How will you and your partner make time for your relationship?
• How can you avoid arguments when you’re both exhausted?
• What do you need to work well together as a parenting team?

5. What kind of parent do you want to be?

We all bring our own upbringing and values into parenthood. We often expect our partner to share the same views, but that’s rarely the case.

Worth talking about:

• What are your thoughts on parenting and discipline?
• What was good or bad about your own upbringing?
• Is consistency important to you, or do you prefer more flexibility?
• How strict or relaxed should mealtimes be?
• How will you set boundaries with your child?
• What do you hope your child will say about you as a parent when they grow up?

6. How will we split parental leave?

Studies show that couples who share responsibilities equally are happier, but how you divide parental leave is entirely up to you. Clara Zelleroth shares her advice:
– When you start talking about this, approach it positively. Share your hopes and dreams about parenthood, and be curious about your partner’s perspective. This opens up dialogue rather than pushing your own agenda.

Worth talking about:

• How do you want to divide parental leave?
• How can you make it as equal as possible?
• How will your decisions impact your finances and family life?
  TIP! There are countless ways to split parental leave. For example, you could alternate weeks, share certain days, or reduce work hours to have more days off together. Get creative and find what works for you.

7. How will we handle finances?

Money can be a tough topic, and many couples avoid talking about it. However, you can’t assume your partner views finances the same way you do.
– People have different views on what’s fair. Some see family as a single unit where everything is shared, while others feel strongly about keeping finances separate. This can cause tension, especially if incomes are unequal, says Clara Zelleroth.

Worth talking about:

• What new expenses will come with having a baby?
• How will parental leave impact your household income?
• Will you pool your incomes or keep them separate?
• Will you split expenses equally or based on income?
• Do you want to save money together? What about saving for your child?

8. What will vacations look like?

Parenthood means some destinations or activities may no longer be realistic. Does that mean four weeks at your in-laws’ summer house is a reasonable compromise because one of you loves it there? Probably not. Discuss expectations to avoid arguments.

Worth talking about:

• What kind of vacations do you envision as new parents?
• Do you want to spend time with others or focus on family time?
• How much time should be spent together as a family versus on individual activities?

9. How will we handle sick days and flexibility in daily life?

It might seem far off, but discussing how you’ll handle sick days and daily flexibility when your child starts daycare can help set expectations early on.

Worth talking about:

• What will work best for your family – fixed schedules or flexibility?
• How does your job situation affect how you manage sick days?
• How can you ensure an equal division of responsibilities when your little one is unwell?